A Visit from the Wise Guys
January 10,2016 starring Michael Patton, Gregg Zillges, Caitlin Patton and Teagan Patton, with a special guest appearance by Myra Manser
Tony: Well I’ve got the list.
Luigi: What list?
Vinny: Didn’t you hear? There’s been a baby born a long way from here
Luigi: So what? That happens all the time…
Vinny: This is a really, really special baby.
Denise: Yeah? What makes her so special?
Tony: Uh, I’m thinkin’ it’s probably a boy…
Denise: There’s nothing special about boys!
Tony: Well, I’m pretty sure this one’s pretty important.
Denise: What makes you think so?
Tony: Well, see, I seen this star… up in the sky…
Luigi: Where else do you see stars?
Vinny: You’ll be seein’ some soon if you don’t let him finish!
Tony: Thank you. As I was sayin’… So I seen this star and we need to follow it…and bring baby gifts.
Denise: What? So it’s like a shower?
Tony: Yeah, you could say that. It’s a baby shower for a new king born far away from here.
Luigi: What? Like in Queens?
Vinny: It can’t be…not Jersey?
Tony: No, I’m pretty sure we have to go to Pennsylvania. Yeah, a little boyg called “Bethlehem.”
Luigi: OK, so what should we bring?
Tony: Right. Back to that list.
Luigi: What list? I didn’t see no list.
Vinny: Yeah, me and Luigi didn’t get the memo, what’s on the list?
Tony: I’m glad you asked…here, Luigi, you get this. [GOLD]
Luigi: Gold? That’s gonna cost me a fortune! Could we do rock paper scissors?
Tony: Sure, gimme that card back rock…paper..scissors…and Luigi’s down for gold. Now amscray!
Denise: Me next!
Tony: Here, Denise…you get this stuff [FRANKINCENSE].
Denise: Franks skin set? Frick ‘n’frac…What the heck is this stuff?
[Vinny whispers to Denise]
Denise: Right! I had that once in a deli up in the Bronx! That’s what I s’posed to get?
Tony: …like the list says…
Denise: All right, I know where to go!—[She leaves and gets the package of franks and cheese from the Westminster Room]
Tony: Well, Vinny, looks like you’ll be getting this stuff [MYRRH]
Vinny: My errrr? Mee ar ar ar hah!?
Tony: That’s not how you say it! Try again.
Vinny: Wait! I think I just figured it out…Gimme a little minute here. [leaves the chancel, walks to Myra Manser…] this is gonna be the most interesting baby shower I ever saw!
Hey, Myra, I sposed to take you to a baby shower. Says so right here. [show her the MYRRH sign.]
Myra: Vinny, that says ‘myrrh.’ [Hold up your name tag.] This says ‘Myra.’ Do you see the difference now?
Vinny: At this point I am so confused. What the heck is myrrh?
Myra: It’s an aromatic gum that grows in Arabia and India. It was highly prized in biblical times as a perfume and pain reliever.
Vinny: Right. So you got any of that stuff with you?
Myra: Fresh out.
Vinny: What now, Tony?
Tony: Get back here and we’ll figure something out.
Denise: [returns with franks and cheese] Here it is! All the fixin’s for frank ‘n’ -cheesys—that artery clogging delicacy.
Tony: That’s not frankincense!
Denise: Well, no, not yet, I figured we’d take this stuff with us and just make the frank ‘n’ cheesys when we get there. They’re not gonna stay hot all the way to Bethlehem! And since you didn’t get anything, you can pick up some buns on the way, smart guy!
Tony: That’s ‘Wise guy’ to you. And you were supposed to get frankincense!
Denise: What the heck is frankincense?
Tony: Uh, to put it, you know, in all honesty, I got no clue.
Vinny: Frankincense? I know this guy, that my brother knows…I can get that stuff wholesale! Put me down for frankincense!
Luigi: Hey, guys….the thing about gold is it’s like, really, really expensive, and I’m what you might call a little short at the moment.
Tony: So let’s recap here: We got no myrrh…there’s no way we’re talking cheesedogs
Denise: Frank ‘n’ cheesys!
Tony: Whatever…to Bethlehem…and we got no gold. So, let’s meet back here next week, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll have what we need. Capish?
Vinny, Luigi, Denise: Fine. Whatever. See you next week.