Another Visit from the Wise Guys

January 17, 2016

Tony: OK, so we’re back. Vinny, did you get the frankincense, like you said you would?

Vinny: Remember I told you last week about this guy my brother knows, who knows this guy? Well, that guy got me this sweet load of frankincense, wholesale!

Luigi: How’d he get it?

Vinny: Let me put it this way…this is a guy who doesn’t like questions like that, got it?

Luigi nods solemnly.

Denise: So you got the frankincense, why are you so excited?

Tony: Yeah, you’re all het up like you got more to tell us.

Vinny: Right. So. That guy

Luigi: Which guy?

Vinny: You and your questions! The guy with the frankincense saw the rest of the list and told us we should see this other guy he knows. And this guy’s totally legit!

Luigi & Denise start rapping “Too legit, too legit to quit!”

Tony: Don’t make me hammer you! Totally? At this point, you are straining my, how you say, credibility.

Vinny: No, seriously. I looked him up in the phone book. See, right there, “Babba, Ali” and he’s got a little shop over at #40 Thieves Parkway. We need to go see this guy.

Denise: Whatever.

Tony: Let me do the talking.

All go up to the chancel to visit Ali Babba.

Tony: Greetings and salutations. I’m Tony. This is Vinny. This is Denise…

Ali: So this must be “De-Nephew!”

Denise: Looks at Luigi. No, no, we’re not related.

Luigi: Yes we are...just not to each other!

Everyone pauses and looks puzzled.

Tony: …As I was sayin’. We got this list, see? Now Vinny already got the frankincense…

Ali: And I know exactly what you’re looking for now! [Pulls out hot dogs buns.] Let me tell you about these…these are your perfect buns for frank ‘n’ cheesies!

Tony: Oy…we been through this!

Ali: [talking over and ignoring Tony] Now, you wouldn’t want these buns for bratwurst….and let me tell you, people around here would laugh in your face if you used ‘em for chili dogs….

Tony: Frankincense! Not frank ‘n’ cheesies! We already got the frankincense…and there’s no way we’re taking hot dogs buns all the way to Bethlehem!

Denise: Yeah, like I said last week, we can pick some up on the way!

Vinny: Hey, I heard you was legit.

Ali: Who told you that?

Vinny: This guy, who told me about this other guy, who knows a guy, who knows my brother-in-law.

Luigi: I thought it was your brother.

Ali: Your brother-in-law? I know that guy! Why didn’t you say so? What are looking for?

Denise: We’re going to this sort of a baby shower for a newborn king.

Ali: Say no more! Voila! [Pulls out a bottle of Worchestershire sauce.] Let me tell you about this stuff. You mix it with some breakfast cereal and butter, heat it…ever so gently in the oven for a couple hours and you’ve got a snack fit for a king!

All stare at Ali.

Luigi: At this point, Tony, I’m thinking you should show him the list.

Tony pulls out the list, frankincense is crossed out.

Tony: So, like, we’re still looking for myrrh and gold.

Ali: What’s this stuff again? I think I know her.

Denise: Are you thinking of Myra?

Ali: Yeah! I think I am.

Tony: No, she won’t do, we tried that last week. We’re looking for myrrh. You got any of that?

Ali: [thinking] Myrrh. Myrrh. Say, that wouldn’t be an aromatic gum that grows in Arabia and India. It was highly prized in biblical times as a perfume and pain reliever.

Luigi: Eureka!

Ali: Sorry. Fresh out. But I know this guy…

Vinny: Wait, is this the guy who knows that other guy. My brother used to shoot pool with that guy!

Ali: That’s the guy!

Vinny: Yo! Follow me, I know this guy. And he can get us a deal on myrrh. Just you! [Looking at Luigi] Don’t ask no questions! Got it?

Luigi zips his lip and nods.

All exit